Thoughts: Family and Kink
This post is inspired by Blacksilk’s Family Planning post. Thank you for making a post on it and saying it would be alright if I did as well! The concept was interesting to me because it’s pertinent to the way I deal with my own family and practising BDSM while I do sex toy reviews. Sometimes it is difficult to hide. My Daddy doesn’t have this issue as much because he simply doesn’t need to – his family generally are very accepting of anything.
With my own family, I have a lot to hide. The majority of them are prudish and won’t discuss vanilla sex, let alone anything less ‘normal’. I suppose it could just be that they like their privacy or find it strange to discuss with other family members but it makes things awkward for me quite a lot. When your main pastime is something you can’t discuss, it makes you seem avoidant and anti-social even if that isn’t your intention. You seem like you do nothing but mess about so they can’t take you seriously when you say you’re busy. Plus it makes explaining the amount of packages you receive uncomfortable, moreso when you are poor and your family get curious about what is in them and who sent them.
As I’m sure you can tell, I’m a very sexual person and I am rather liberated when it comes to the subject. I love to look at sex and sexuality in an academic way as well as a personal one – the things humans fetishise and become aroused by are fascinating to me. Whenever I discover a new fetish I like to research it in detail. Wikipedia’s fetish page is one I have thoroughly abused and read up on multiple times. Why? Because human sexuality is amazing.
But I’m straying off topic. I could talk about that all day so I’m going to leave it for another post.
My family pretty much know nothing about my sex life. Sure, they know I have one and they know it’s with Daddy but that’s the extent of it. I have told them some things but it was a long time ago and mainly for shock value since I was feeling very bratty. For example, when I met him he was pretty damned buff, training to be a wrestler, sort-of dating a man and (my favourite part) would dress up in women’s clothes if I wanted him to. When we started going out with each other it was a sort-of open relationship: he could have other men and I could have other women. My mother’s reaction in particular to these things was pretty intense because she simply didn’t understand my motivation and was too worried about what her parents would think or being shown up. She’s calmed down about it a bit now though.
I am very lucky to have my Daddy to be honest; he’s actually very reserved and private when it comes to this sort of thing but he didn’t get angry, just upset. I don’t really do it any more though because it isn’t actually worth it. I didn’t experience any guilt in telling them until it made Daddy feel awkward and I know which thing is my priority: it will be him every time. His happiness is far more important than my weird exhibitionism.
When I began this blog and started making notes of my thoughts, I was worried about what he would think. I knew already that he was happy for me to write reviews but I didn’t know how he would feel about me openly discussing our relationship online. Turns out, as long as I keep identifying information to a minimum he is okay with it. In fact, he seems quite proud of me for my accomplishments and it makes me feel fantastic every day. One of the main reasons I’ve kept writing posts is because of his encouragement.
None of my family know I have this blog, nor about any of the particularly kinky things I get up to. None know that I am a little (hell, I don’t think they even know what one is) and they just assume my obsession with Hello Kitty and my childish moments are madness, or designed to make them angry. Obviously this isn’t the case; little rei is as real a part of me as anything else: certainly moreso than the masks I don to keep them all happy. She has insisted at multiple times that she is only 7 years old yet they don’t believe her and brush it off without thinking. Any Hello Kitty items are met with scorn or pity and it is increasingly difficult to stay calm because it hurts her. This isn’t a problem with Daddy or his family though; the ones that know are very cool with her and his brother has even accepted pictures she coloured for him. When I’m there, she feels very safe and loved.
At my family’s house, my sex toys and tester items have to be kept hidden at all times. Though I have been seen with them before, my family have just generally assumed I was spending Daddy’s money on them or that I had them before. When a package arrives, they can get very nosy and my discreet packages are usually okay since I just rush them to my room to open later. Deflecting questions is something I’m getting better at, though I’d rather have everything out in the open. I just don’t think they could deal with it very well; the small things I have divulged in the past are enough to convince me to keep it all a secret. And this is just the part about reviewing sex toys, let alone telling them about BDSM and my contract with Daddy.
Maybe one day in the future I can tell them about this side of me.
For now, it shall stay locked away with my toys.