Essay: Why I Enjoy Being Restrained
Essay number 2. I was Ordered to do this essay because both Daddy and I have taken a real shine to bondage recently, particularly shibari (hover for brief definition). We have spent a lot of time trying new ties and bondage has consistently put me in subspace so this essay was bound to come up sooner or later.
Why I Enjoy Being Restrained:
There are many reasons I enjoy being restrained; some emotional, some physical and some psychological. It is not a simple topic to explain since it affects me in so many different ways. Some things depend upon who has done the tie, whereas some depend on my mindset at the time. It is a complex subject but that is why it is all the more interesting to discuss.
In terms of who does the tying, my Daddy has taken the time to do quite a few ties on me but I have done it for myself just once. The feelings I experienced each time were similar but tying myself was nothing compared to the times he has bound me. There is just something special about being bound by another; particularly the man I trust with my very life. Doing it alone is exciting too but I find it difficult since I can’t see what I’m doing and tend to go into subspace or get rope drunk very easily.
One of my favourite things about being tied up is how it makes me feel. The tight feeling around my chest that makes it difficult to breathe is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. It is painful, but the pain is not as sharp as trying to breathe after a run nor is it as dangerous as being choked. There’s no pressure on my throat or desperate struggles for my lungs. I can simply wear the tie as long as I like and just revel in the sensation of the ropes biting into my skin.
Being restrained makes me much more aware of my own body; the shape of it and the way it moves. I pay more attention to each breath I take, each shiver down my spine and the sweat that sooner or later builds on my skin. I feel no hatred for my body when I am bound and I don’t focus on things that normally would distress me; I am so wrapped up in every sensation and emotion I am feeling that I forget those things entirely.
Not only that, but I lose my uptight self and become less inhibited. Just the feeling of the ropes on my skin makes me feel bolder, sexier and more aroused. I feel less shame in what I want and who I am; far less shy than when I am just naked though the bind hides nothing. It is a surprisingly liberating thing, since my first expectation was that I would feel claustrophobic and hate myself even more. It wasn’t like that at all: bondage has been a pleasant surprise.
In ropes, I feel so held together. A lot of the time I feel so distant from my body that it is normal to feel scattered. Usually I have to take a moment to focus on certain parts to see how they are but in bondage I can feel everything. I am closer to my body than I have been in a long time and it is just beautiful.
During a session I always feel owned, loved and safe. I know my Daddy has taken the time to learn a bind for me and have been there as he laboriously applies it to my flesh. I can feel the care in his hands when they brush my skin, see the intense look of concentration on his face and I know that I am the centre of his world. He always takes the time to check how I feel both during and after the tie is done and I am the focus of his thoughts until the rope comes off. The aftercare he gives me is great too – I am told how good I’ve been and his fingers trace over any marks left behind to let me know they are there. Sometimes we take photos of the ties and marks and sometimes we don’t. It very much depends on our moods. I like it when we do because I love to look back over the pictures and reminisce.
When I am in shackles or my hands and legs are tied I don’t get these feelings. Instead I either feel trapped and panic or I feel nothing but boredom. The excitement and floaty feelings don’t come at all. Perhaps this is because these other types of bondage are much faster to apply and leave no time for anticipation or perhaps it is because they seem so plain to me now. I’m not sure if it makes me a hipster or a pervert but regular bondage is so commonplace that they’ve lost their spark. It has to be shibari or it simply isn’t good enough.
For me, shibari-style bondage is an amazing experience that I get to share with the person I love most in the whole world. We connect not only on a physical level but an emotional one as well and I feel so much closer to him after a tie. It is another thing that I would not trade for the world.