Thoughts: Regarding Limits in BDSM

The longer I study BDSM and get more into the scene, the more hard limits I find I have. This isn’t due to my resolve and open-mindedness becoming limited but due to the overwhelming amount of knowledge I am gaining in the field.

A lot of places, books and people will tell you that the best sub has few or no limits at all. I don’t think this is the case. The fewer limits I had, the more naïve I was and the more at risk I was of putting both myself and others in danger. I felt like I had a firm idea of what I wouldn’t do but looking back I now know better. In my opinion, the best sub is an educated one. Not necessarily an experienced one but one who has a good grasp on the range of things out there and who is willing to say they have limits. Age, gender, orientation and race have nothing to do with this.

I feel as though I am very young when it comes to BDSM as I have seen a lot of Dom/mes and subs that have been into the lifestyle for a long time. Some of these have even spanned over half my life and these people have tried and learned more things than perhaps I will by the time I’m their age. Though I am comparatively inexperienced I have tried to be well-read on what kinks and fetishes there are in the world as that is one of my main interests.

From what I know, BDSM is fascinating and not something to be taken lightly. While it is amazing it is also dangerous and I bear that in mind whenever I play. Safety is one of the most important aspects of BDSM and though I don’t like to use my safeword, I know what it is. My Daddy also knows what it is. We have safegestures and safeactions as well that are ready to use in case I cannot speak or move much. We have always been cautious in this area.

I am very wary of my limits because they have changed while I have learned. Not only has my knowledge increased but I have been varying clothing sizes and this affects my sensitivity to pain as well as my moods. The same goes for my Daddy; his moods change a lot as well and though we have a preferred dynamic we don’t always enforce it.

Others would call this laziness but in my opinion it is simply us knowing our limits. We cannot always be in Dom/sub roles 24/7 – I know because we’ve tried. We can’t be in role for every situation either, because there are extraneous factors to take into account. When we force those things on ourselves it just creates a lot of stress and stops being the wonderful exchange that it is.

When we first decided to foray into BDSM I rushed things because I wanted to do them all at once. I wanted to try pretty much everything, regardless of how safe it would be. I strived to be the ‘perfect’ sub and I wanted my Daddy to be the perfect Dom, too. Obviously, this was stupid. It went well for a short time but then the extraneous factors started creeping in and it all turned to shit. There was too much to do in terms of our vanilla lives and here we were, piling more obligations and rules on top of the massive heap. It was no wonder we broke under the strain and annulled our contract.

Now, things are much more relaxed. Neither of us is trying to be ‘perfect’ – we’re just taking things as they come and adapting to each new situation. I now understand that though we have roles we’re still allowed to be people. We’re still allowed to have worries and problems we can’t face alone.

Having limits is just fine. In fact, it’s better to have some limits. Knowing yourself, your body and the kinks you want to try is a blessing. If you know that certain things aren’t for you, then that is something to be applauded. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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About SubReiSkyeM

Owner of Thoughts of a Growing Sub. I've been blogging for a year now and still loving it! Check my blog for reviews, blogger memes and BDSM talk!

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