Essay: What Service Means to Me
Now, for a new section on my blog. I decided I would post essays about my thoughts on topics since Daddy had assigned me one a few months ago and I found it relatively fun. This one is a little more academic than the ones I might submit later on but I really like a lot of what I have said in it anyway and I hope you do too.
What Service Means to Me:
The word ‘service’ has many meanings. According to dictionary.com, it can mean a dish set, maintenance of objects or helpful activities done by individuals for the benefit of others. This essay focuses on the last definition, and the various ways in which these activities are carried out.
In society, service is one of the most important aspects of daily life. From customer service in shops to counselling services, everything is carefully planned in order to make the recipient satisfied. Companies – and people – thrive on this arrangement in order to better themselves and make things easier for those around them. Bad customer service is now almost considered a taboo to companies, as potential customers who hear about it will be unlikely to give their custom. Some companies, like ASDA, are so focused on giving good customer service that they have extremely good conditions for the returning or exchanging of products despite how it may affect them financially.
In the past, service used to be different. It was entirely common in Victorian times for a household to have its own live-in maids and servants that would work very long hours. These servants had a variety of tasks they were to carry out, from dressing their Masters and Mistresses to preparing them meals at set times. Nowadays there are not very many people who can boast of such things, as it is no longer the norm to have your own personal staff.
Service in a BDSM context can be similar to that of a servant in Victorian times. In the BDSM scene, what service is and entails is different depending on who you ask and the dynamic that they share. The purpose of it differs as well as what the parties involved get out of it: some subs do it simply because they want to do something for their Master, others because they get praise or rewards for a job well done. Sometimes the service aspect is the main part of the relationship dynamic, whereas in others it is merely an add-on and sometimes service is given as an exchange for protection or love. There is no communally-accepted ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to do things.
To me, service is the act of fulfilling every single one of my partner’s needs. Whether the act is sexual or domestic, I want to put in as much effort as I can to ensure that he is satisfied and that his needs are met. It can be the smallest of requests or the biggest of demands and I will do it; from making cups of tea to cleaning an entire room.
Some days, I enjoy service to the point where I begin to crave it. It becomes the most important thing to me and I need to do it right then and there, no matter who it is that I am serving. Other days, I simply don’t want to do it. I find it tedious and agitating, only wanting the person making requests to do it themselves and stop being so lazy. Sometimes, the act of service is neither pleasing nor unpleasant to me. I do it because I feel obligated but don’t find it enjoyable nor feel angry. Unfortunately I don’t seem to notice any triggers or patterns for any of these moods.
I would like to think that part of my desire to serve stems from the name I have been given – Rei. In Japanese, the word has many meanings but there are three that I would like to discuss. The first, is “bow”. The act of bowing is often a show of respect, though it has its submissive uses as well. I feel that because I respect my Daddy, I want to serve him. I wish to aid him in any way I can as I want to watch him succeed. The more he accomplishes, the more I respect him, and thus the cycle continues.
The second meaning is “zero”, which could also be interpreted as “nothing”. This meaning is one that initially depressed me but now fills me with warmth. I am nothing and nobody, yet he cares for me. He gives me a reason to exist. In giving me this name and allowing me to be by his side, he has actually defied the meaning itself.
The third and final meaning, as he taught me, is “spirit”. The reason I believe I was given this name was this meaning. When we first met and he told me my real name was boring, he enjoyed the idea of Skye because it was ethereal. Spirits, too, are ethereal. The fact that these names I have been blessed with are connected in this way makes me very happy, and honoured to respond to them.
As much as I would like to say that I serve simply because it fulfils me to do so, I would be lying. Though a large part of service is the satisfaction I gain from doing it and watching my Daddy do well, it is not everything. I unfortunately am a rather needy person and serving allows me to get attention and praise from the one I care most about. There is something about watching his face when I hand him a drink he has not yet asked for that gives me satisfaction. The occasional ‘thank you’s, looks of appreciation and rewards for doing well are what truly makes service worth it to me. Without these things, I simply would give up.
As I have not been doing service duties for very long, I am still very new to it. Due to this, I have often made mistakes and am far from achieving a good standard of anticipatory service. However, I believe these things will improve in time and I will learn to perform service to the exact needs and demands of my Sir. I also believe that I will have better control over my temper when this time comes and look forward to making him proud of me. All it will take is hard work, and I am more than willing to put the effort in for as long as he desires it.